The Loss of Baby B...

My heart has never felt this feeling of loss before. I just wasn't ready to relive it through rewriting about what happened on Thursday, April 14th until now.

I had a normal Dr. check up with an ultrasound first. The tech saw the heart beat of Baby A right away and then found Baby B. She then left the room. My heart sank as I had a terrible feeling something was wrong. After what seemed eternity, the Dr. Allen came in said, "Baby B didn't make it." My world seemed to stop as I was in disbelief and shock. My first thought was"How? Why now? I'm past the first trimester, past the major complications? I've obeyed strict bed rest..." Then I started to cry. Dr. Allen was so comforting and understanding.

The next day, Friday, at 8:30a, Justin in and I went for a level 2 ultrasound at the hospital. That was another heart wrenching moment as on the large flat screen monitor I saw Baby A and Baby B side by side. One moving, the other cradled up in the fetal position- lifeless. The Dr said Baby B's heart had stopped a few days earlier and he couldn't not find the cause. Baby A looked good. The Dr said I'll have to carry both babies. 
Baby B should shrink and dissolve back in the body in the coming months. Any bones or cartilage etc remaining will be pulled out at birth of Baby A.

As word spread to family and friends on Thursday and the following days, Justin and I felt so much love and support. Right away and for the next week we were showered with love from so many. Friends watched Cayden, brought flowers and food, cards, and heart felt words. I'm eternally gratefully for so many wonderful people-especially at our church.

I have to remember life is full of ups and downs, twist and turns.

But if we didn't have the trials, we wouldn't know the joy.

I'm grateful for all the joy I have experienced in my life. 


I'm taking it day by day...and Mom says nothing can heal a loss of a baby except time.