Motherhood Olympics

Thanks to my friend Angel for coming up with this..it's so cute and true!..I adapted it a bit to fit my life..and I had to share it!

In honor of the Summer Olympics that are currently going on, I would like to propose an addition to the regular Winter and Summer Olympics. May I present (drumroll please)...

The Motherhood Olympics!

Events including, but not limited to: Mini-van Driving Each lap includes:

• Operating a mini-van with three children in tow.
• Loading and buckling all children into their respective car seats.
• Remembering you have everything, including the baby's sippy cup and dipers and wipes. Or if going to work..make sure you meals/snacks packed and your dressed with make up on.
• Driving children to school and their various sports and activities.
• Keeping the children from screaming/throwing things at each other.
• Keeping all the children happy with the musical selections...
• Going through a McDonald's drive-thru, distributing the food, and preventing the food and/or drinks from being spilled on the upholstery/floor/children.
• Arriving home with all your hair intact.

Getting Children Off to School

• Wake up at 5:45 to crying baby wanting a bottle... get up and go to the bathroom and brush teeth..(It may be the only chance to do this for hours). Try to put baby back to sleep...it's doesn't work very often though. Pick up the house a bit. Take care of baby. Wake children at 7:15 AM. Go in repeatedly and wake them up again. Pull of the covers and drag them out of bed.
• Nag them until they get dressed. Pull them up again as they try to go back to sleep in the middle of their floor.
• Get half asleep children to eat their breakfast without spilling milk/cereal/juice/syrup on their school clothes or in their hair. (The six year old is pro at getting food in her hair)..Strip baby down to diper and feed baby some baby food.
• While children are eating, make personalized lunches for each child.
• Keep track of who wants what kind of sandwich, on what kind of bread, sliced which way. Make sure to give each child the snack/drink/fruit/dessert that they prefer.
• Do it in record time so that the children are not late for school. Do not smash the sandwiches as everything is placed in the lunchbox.
• Remember to have each child brush their teeth to get rid of their stinky morning breath. Verify that each child actually brushed their teeth instead of just getting their toothbrush wet.
• Load all backpacks and children into the mini-van (see mini-van driving event).
• Get children to school on time.

Vacuuming

• Vacuum the all the carpeted areas of your home.
• Accomplish this while trying not to trip the walking toddler (who's still working on balance) with the cord.
• Continue vacuuming and move the coffee table and other furniture while and being careful not to hit the baseboards because of scuffing.
• Continue vacuuming as the four-year old decides pull the plug from the wall as he screams..."It hurts my ears!"
• Finish vacuuming.
• Watch four and 0ne-year olds dump sand/crumbs/cheerios onto the carpet.
• Repeat.
• Have older children arrive home from school and take off their shoes over the carpet. Watch dirt or grass go everywhere.
• Repeat again.

Laundry

• Scour the household and locate all the dirty laundry from it's various locations: laundry baskets, closets, bathroom floors, corners of laundry room, kitchen countertops, top of television, etc.
• Gather it all into one location.
• Sort by color/type of fabric/temperature/cycle.
• Do not have your laundry room look like a volcano erupted.
• Find all stains and pre-spot.
• Begin running loads.
• While moving laundry, locate pre-spotted areas to check stains. Locate stains that were not found before. Somehow remove set in stains.
• Wash all the whites without accidentally placing a new red bandana in the wash.
• Fold laundry and put it all away.
• Do all this before laundry piles up. . .again.

Dinner

• Plan dinners one week in advance...or at least try.
• Go grocery shopping with three children in tow. Do not forget any necessary ingredients for planned meals, and coupons needed for deals. Do not go insane shopping with three kids as two run laps around you playing tag..or the baby crying trying to get out of the cart... Be aware of what items your four-year old happens to grab and put in the cart. Do not give into the whining of your six-year old as she begs for gum by the cash register.
• Prepare foods with three children at your feet begging for you to help fix some toy..or wanting something... Continue to prepare food as children fight/hit/argue. Keep your area as clean as possible as said children attempt to "help" you cook.
• Prepare four dishes as the same time. Making sure the baby has his food cut up tiny pieces.. Keep track of which timer is for which food. Do not lose your focus and burn anything.
• Get your children to eat the food that you prepared. Feed baby while he spits it back at you! Bribery for the older children is allowed.
• Clean up the mess...including giving the baby a body wash over the sink and cleaning up the messy high chair. Sweep and spot clean the floor.

Dishes

• Begin with a sink brimming with dirty dishes. The dishes have baked/dried on sauces. The dishes have overflowed onto the countertops.
• Load dishwasher in an orderly way so that everything gets clean.
• Prevent the one year old from climbing in dishwasher or pulling all the dirty silverware out.
• Run dishwasher.
• Soak pans.
• Empty dishwasher.
• Scour pans.
• Repeat several times a day.

And caution! All of this can cause injury!...For example just from doing the Motherhood Olympics I've had to battle tendinitis and bursitis in my left shoulder for the last 6 months!!!